Homilies and Bulletin Content

Provided here are resources to assist you with your homilies. You may also wish to use some of these resources to insert into your parish bulletin or website.

Resources

Short Stories

Stories can connect across ages and experiences. Good stories are gold for homilists. Below are some stories that may be used for your homily, or even to include in your bulletin or website.

The Guru's Cat

When the guru sat down to worship each evening the ashram cat would get in the way and distract the worshippers. So, he ordered that the cat be tied up during evening worship.

Long after the guru died, the cat continued to be tied during the evening worship. And when the cat eventually died, another cat was brought to the ashram so that it could be duly tied during evening worship.

Centuries later learned treatises were written by the guru’s disciples on the essential role of the tied cat in all properly conducted evening worship.

Anthony De Mello, The Song of the Bird, (Anand, India: Gujarat Sahitya Prakash, 1982), 79

Why go to church?

A churchgoer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper complaining that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. He wrote:

“I’ve gone for over 30 years now, and in that time, I have heard something like 3000 sermons. But for the life of me I can’t remember a single one of them. So, I think I’m wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.”

This started a real controversy in the “Letters to the Editor” column, much to the delight of the Editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

“I’ve been married for 30 years now. In that time, my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: they all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me those meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today.” (Author unknown)

Taken from the Newsletter of the Marist Sisters College Woolwich, Issue 18 (June 20, 2003). 

Humour

Not everyone might accept the place of humour in homilies. I do. It has to be appropriate of course. Like stories, humorous anecdotes need to be short and connected to the theme presented. I’m always looking for funny stories. I find humour so important in connecting with people as a homilist and presider. – Rev Paul Monkerud

An enterprising organist

A priest was preoccupied with how he was going to ask the congregation for more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

“Here’s a copy of the Mass,” he said impatiently. “But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”

During Mass, the priest paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $10,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”

At that moment, the substitute organist played “Advance Australia Fair”.

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Price of a husband

“I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband,” said one wife to another.

The other wife answered, “I don’t think I could get that much for mine.”

Life After Death

The office manager asked one of his employees, “Do you happen to believe in life after death?”

“Yes, sir, I certainly do,” replied the new recruit.

“Well then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss said.

“Sir?” asked the puzzled employee.

“After you left early yesterday to attend your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you!”

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